Marife Santos, Online English teacher at Acadosc, Ltd.
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I’ve been an avid observer, and I’ve seen people grow from pathetic and unsympathetic to extremely positive, compassionate and pure. They diminish all the hatred they use to conceive, become free from their utter dark side, getting their work done, smartly.
As an online English teacher, I have seen another kind of growth from my co-workers. They could be once pushy and aggressive but finally turned into good listeners and qualified teachers. Including me, I was once anxious and outspoken in my first trial class at Acadsoc, trying to promote myself as selling goods, trying to persuade the student that I am the exact teacher for her. However, when I saw the class remark given, I was shocked. I can still remember what the student said in her comment: I feel like talking to an annoying salesperson, instead of a respectful teacher. From then on, I determined to change myself, to learn when to shut your mouth and listen.
Some people are outspoken, outrageous and at the same time have a point. When you are making a point your aggression eats your point, your outspoken demeanour scatters your voice from reaching other people. When making a choice between patience and satisfying agitation, we choose to agitate and reflect back with the same attitude. Considering all these weaknesses, your point is not recognized, your attitude of being harsh and ruthless makes other people reactive, causing you a setback. Regarding relationship, most people consider aggression and impatience as a necessity rather than a weakness. Controlling their partner in ways they should be controlling their expenses, these behaviours ruin their lives and break their relations, which they regret later on.
We don’t know when to stay silent and when to talk. The simple fundamentals of two ways communication are listening and speaking in turns. Let the other person complete, hear what they have to say, think and then provide your feedback. Being hastily putting your judgments without being conscious about your thoughts can be a severe problem at times.
How do you use silence and patience as an answer to your problems?
I once read a Quote in a book, “Silence is the best weapon, and we should know where to use it.” There has to be at least one person that gets on your nerves, everybody has someone of that sort. That one person is enough to drain all your energy and suck up all your optimism at one go. One word from that person and you are up with your defensive or offensive words and get ready to give it back as soon as that person give you some. Instead, try to stay silent. Listen to them. Be patient. Once, you hear out the whole thing, analyse what’s the problem. Get to the root, sort it out. Instead of contemplating a conclusion with imagination or assumptions, see the facts and state those facts to validate your point or if you’re at fault, work out a solution. Especially when you are on the internet, using social media, your subjective and baseless words can be a knife stabbed in other’s back, causing greater harm and pain to someone you don’t even know.
Being silent doesn’t make you look dumb; it indicates that you respect the speaker. Being patient doesn’t make you less respectable or doesn’t bring down your intelligence or your side. It merely shows how mature you are. Every problem could be solved if at least one of the two people having conversation knows how to use these qualities when needed. Your patience helps you grow smarter; your silence makes you more observant.
Improve your socialisation intelligence
Not just to your students, but to your friends and loved ones, try not to hurt them with your mindless words. But unfortunately, most people can’t realise what exactly is the problem with their speaking method. Of course, we speak out what we think and believe in mind or from sub-conscious, then how our brain can criticise itself? No one will doubt what he/she is feeling and speaking unless there is a feedback from others.
If you are considered as an aggressive, outrageous or annoying person by your friends, or you have the feeling that ‘I am unwelcome everywhere’, please learn to be quiet and shut your mouth. When someone is not sure that his/her word may hurt/disturb others, the best solution, as always, is to keep one’s word in mind. It might be too hard for some people to keep things in mind for longer than 3 minutes. Write it down, say your words on a piece of paper instead of outspeaking it loud. From my own experience, when people have to write something, they will think about their words and tones more carefully.
At the end, when we have enough people who listen more, are patient and knows how to stay silent at times; the everlasting difficulties in life may ease at peace. Be that ‘Enough People’, we need more of them. Use your ‘Voices’, where they are needed, to change the world, not to make it worse.
Did you regret saying something in the past? Would you choose to be silent and quiet if there is a second chance for you to re-fill it? Welcome to tell me what you think.